all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
