I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
