that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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