yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
