dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
