I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
