hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
