I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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