I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
