Hey man sorry I got all grabby
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
