I just cut my nipple shaving
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
His nipple licking is glorious
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