What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden