Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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