Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
