my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
