It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
