I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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