I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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