1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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