I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
