i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
