no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
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We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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