the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
