the day after is always just damage control
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it's like heaven, but drunker
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
