He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
