i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
from now on my penis is your penis
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
