M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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