Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
