I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
