just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
