I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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