there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
