Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
