I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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