Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
