I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
