So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I would fuck him just for his dog
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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