the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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