I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
