you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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