I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
