it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
