My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
