I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
