You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
