he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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