i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
