i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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