I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
