You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
