I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
