I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
