I cockslap morals
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
