She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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