I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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