it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's rum buckets o'clock
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
