Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
