it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
