i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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