Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
