I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
