Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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