I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize