i just wanna soil my oats bro
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you traded sex for a burrito?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
