you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
