It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
