fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
