I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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