are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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