the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
