he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
