She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
