There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
