i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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