I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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