i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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