The maid of honor just puked.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
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They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You are a genius and a whore.
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