I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
