he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
