its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
